Stepford Employee

I’ve been in recovery from a string of job rejections within my own company for a little while now, and it’s becoming obvious I’ve got to make some changes. The notoriously gorgeous Seattle summer is fast approaching, and my number one priority this time of year is to simply get out and enjoy the weather. But there is always the risk of becoming totally depressed with the lack of job prospects, so I find myself faced with a very ugly fact – I need attitude augmentation. I’ve just let myself go. My smile is sagging down to my knees, my sense of duty has unattractive dimples, my professionalism has wrinkles, and I just don’t have that overall perkiness of some of the younger employees. Perhaps with a little nip tuck of the old attitude, I can seem a little fresher. At least for a little bit longer.

Sure, friends and family love me just the way I am, but they’re not the ones that matter. It’s those that don’t know me, who don’t care to know me, who don’t share my interests at all, and who like to slap me around a little that I’m after. I want to be…a Stepford employee.

That’s right, a Stepford employee. This frumpy attitude is going in for a major overhaul, and the new one is going to be taller, blonder, in full makeup even for trips to the copier and you can bet it’s gonna have a huge rack. A Stepford employee has to keep up appearances, and if I wasn’t endowed with positivity naturally, I’m just gonna have to get fake ones. All I need is a smile lift, a placid glaze injected into my entire face, a removal of those pesky excess, burdensome opinions, and above all else, a brand new set of enhanced body language that says, “I aim to please.”

While this sounds slightly disparaging and hopeless, it’s really not. It’s simply a shift in priorities for the upcoming summer months. I’m an avid cyclist and backpacker, and when the sun comes out in Seattle, I’ve got to be in it. And while I’m not on a complete hiatus from the job search, I’ve decided to cut myself some slack. With all my extracurricular activities on the horizon, a new class starting in two weeks, AND the ongoing success of my writing group, I’ve just got to make time to play. Plus, this is what I love to do. Hopefully, time well spent outdoors as the weekend warrior will be enough to recharge my robotic batteries during the week. I’ll just smile, nod, do my job, and dream about the upcoming weekend.

KB Cycler

Filed under Lost Demographic |