Et Tu, Douche Bag?

January 18th, 2009

I suppose this type of question sort of answers itself. Assuming someone is a douche bag, would you really ever expect much out of them? Probably not. Well, and you probably wouldn’t be terribly surprised when they inevitable turn on you. At least, a reasonable person would draw these conclusions–reasonable being the operative word here. But for the sake of argument, what if these were not the inevitable conclusions…or even the most popular? In my late teens/early twenties, reasonable was a word you associated with old losers and people that never got laid. And I certainly wasn’t trying to befriend anyone in either of those demographics. So, I proudly opted for stupidity instead.

And where did it lead me, you ask? Um, well (insert nervous throat-clearing noise here), it of course led me to become the confident, successful woman that I am today. I have no regrets. All of my bad decisions were character building exercises…blah, blah, blah. Huh? What was that? Oh yeah, I’m totally lying. Be weary of anyone who says such things. The douche bags of yesteryear were just that. They weren’t noble messengers from the school of hard knocks sent here to help me transition into womanhood, and they certainly didn’t jump-start any epiphanies on my ‘journey to self-discovery.’

That said, the parade of douches is not completely void of significance, and I do actually have a small dollop (probably the consistency of cottage cheese) of fondness stored in the far recesses of my brain for some of them. Hmm…so what exactly am I saying here? Maybe that when you opt to let stupidity guide you, it leads you directly to other stupid people. And hey, sometimes stupid people can be really fun, exciting, good looking, spontaneous, and even, dare I say it, utterly lovable. But ultimately, the idiocy that binds you is a really flimsy, and often toxic glue. One day, when the honeymoon ends, and you’re scrambling for something to cling to, you’ll long for the substance of both reasonable choices and people.

And so, reasonable old losers, I join your crusty ranks with a wee sparkle in my eye–one that can only come from years of poor decision making. Hey, and the good news is that just like stupidity guides you to fellow idiots, reason, goodwill and sincerity will also lead you to like minds. Even more, you can quietly pay tribute to ‘bad choices’ of the past in a wonderfully fitting, creative and hilarious way. Take, for instance, these totally rad, handmade stickers by Nowvember. They may be called Your New Boyfriend stickers, but for most, I’m sure they more accurately capture the colorful string of old boyfriends. Perhaps best of all, there’s no glue involved this time around. Just stickers.